It’s been a tense week for everyone, no matter what position you occupy on the political spectrum. Personally, I’ve been finding some relief by reading vicious pans of the movie “Cats”: There’s nothing quite as funny as a wickedly mean movie review. And I’ve been struck by how many reviewers had the same idea: To work kitty litter into the review, in some way, in order to convey just how bad this movie is.
Even the relatively small number of positive reviewers (or their headline writers) have not been able to resist. The headline of a mildly positive review in USA Today, for instance, reads, “All-star ‘Cats’ stays out of the litter box with Taylor Swift and enchanting absurdity.”
And so, because I know you could use some comic relief, too, here is a collection of litter box jokes in various “Cats” reviews I’ve found on the web, along with links to the full reviews.
I hope you enjoy it. Perhaps I’ll do hairball references, next.
RollingStone.com (headline): ‘Cats’: A Broadway Musical Adaptation Straight Outta the Litter Box
CNN: “If the goal was to provide a holiday musical event that’s fun for the whole family, it’s a good idea in theory, packaged in the wrong litter box.”
NYPost.com (lead): “Please wipe this movie from my ‘Memory.’ That would be ‘Cats,’ Andrew Lloyd Webber’s hit Broadway musical-turned-screen-litter box.”
TheGlobeAndMail.com (headline): Me-ow: The celebrity-jammed Cats is a horrifying monstrosity that deserves to be buried in the world’s largest litter box
TheTimes.co.uk (headline): Cats review — musical mess is one for the litter tray
HollywoodNews.com: “… this is a giant litter box of a movie, filled to the brim with turds. Unless you absolutely adore the musical, avoid this film like the plague.”
FilmDaily.co (in an article about “Cats” reviews): “Depending on what review you look at, there’s a lot of things that filled the stinky litter box known as Cats.”
NowToronto.com (headline): Cats movie belongs with the kitty litter
ScreenIt.com: “It’s sort of akin to a modern-day ‘Alice in Wonderland’ where you go down the rabbit hole (or litter box in this case) and encounter anthropomorphized cats that slink around mostly upright, talk (but sing a great deal more), have ears, whiskers and quite active tails but also human hands and feet (and for some, the shape of breasts beneath the fur) and do a lot of dancing, including ballet-style moves.”
Mirror.co.uk: Taylor Swift “should still be looking for a new agent for having allowed herself to be involved in this kitty litter of a flick.”
SCMP.com: “Doubtless lovers of Andrew Lloyd Webber will flock to see it, but it’s as messy as a cat’s litter tray.”
DigitalSpy.com: “First, there’s Jennyanydots (Rebel Wilson), who lazes around all day but is super-productive at night and can tap dance, which must be good for getting stubborn kitty litter off your paws.”
TheRinger.com: “One of the central kitties is (Jennifer) Hudson’s Grizabella, who was once a ‘glamour cat’ and is now senior and probably misses her litter box half the time, ugh.”
Fox5SanDiego.com: “I couldn’t decide what a better conclusion would be — to say that I’d rather clean a cat’s litter box than watch this, or … when Nick Fury gets his eye scratched out by a cat in Captain Marvel, well … to have that cat scratch out both eyes to keep you from having to watch this mess … would be rather welcome.”
CONTRIBUTE TO NJARTS.NET
Since launching in September 2014, NJArts.net, a 501(c)(3) organization, has become one of the most important media outlets for the Garden State arts scene. And it has always offered its content without a subscription fee, or a paywall. Its continued existence depends on support from members of that scene, and the state’s arts lovers. Please consider making a contribution of any amount to NJArts.net via PayPal, or by sending a check made out to NJArts.net to 11 Skytop Terrace, Montclair, NJ 07043.
